Do my ambitions hold me back?

I was having a good chat with a friend today about whether or not I’m just constantly setting myself up for failure…

I have so many ideas and bucket loads of ambition. But nothing ever quite pans out the way I’d hoped, and I find myself constantly feeling disappointed. I recently turned 40, and I’m just not where I thought I’d be at this point in my life…financially, emotionally, physically…my dreams have always seemingly been bigger than my abilities.

😞 Did I not work hard enough?

😞 Did I not spend wise enough?

😞 Did I make bad decisions?

😞 Am I not strong enough?

😞 Am I just crap at this?

All of these questions constantly whirling around in my head, making me feel like I’ve failed somehow. And then I wonder if I should just stop. Just give up and give in. That having ambitions is probably just a pointless stress I could do without. My life could be so much easier…surely?

But actually, as I started having this conversation out loud, I realised that I haven’t failed at all. Well, I’ve failed a lot actually!! But that doesn’t make me a failure. Because I’ve persisted. And I’m still persisting. I’ve never lost vision of my dreams. Not once. Yes, I’ve doubted myself over and over again. But I’ve never lost sight of what I want to achieve.

So maybe I’m just impatient? Highly likely.

Does that mean that if I keep persisting that my dreams will come into fruition? 🤷🏻‍♂️ I have no idea! Because nothing is guaranteed. This could all be for nothing.

But then I got thinking…if this is the best it’s ever going to get, is that really such a bad thing?

I may not have my all singing, all dancing, perfect vision of greatness. But I do have…

🤩 Freedom from the shackles of employment

🤩 My life, on my terms

🤩 Time to raise my kids

🤩 Time to rest

🤩 Flexibility

🤩 A beautiful community of people around me

🤩 The ability to do meaningful work

And that ain’t all that bad, is it?

Then the lightbulb went off…this was my dream and my grand vision, just from 10 years ago. And somewhere along the line I’d forgotten to stop and notice that I’d actually achieved it. That I actually am living my dream life.

I’m still determined to achieve my dream life 2.0, but for now I’m going to enjoy the sweetness and give myself a damn big pat on the back.

So here’s to the now, it’s actually pretty awesome. 🥰