Holding 2 truths: How I’ve overcome being hurt by people I love

Can two opposing truths be held at the same time?

For example:

Can somebody who holds radically unkind political beliefs also still be somebody who I love and value in my life?

Or

Can somebody who’s ended a friendship with me still be somebody who I created wonderful memories with? Or are they dead to me now?

I can think of many, many examples in my life where I’ve felt incredibly challenged by two opposing truths of a person. I often find myself awake at night overplaying situations and scenarios wondering where it all went wrong, or what could possibly have happened for a person to act this way.

Does that sound familiar for you, too?

I recently listened to a podcast with Emma Watson who talked about JK Rowling’s views on trans people, opposing her more positive early life friendship and career opportunities with her. And she wisely said that both things are true, and that she can’t imagine a world where she just pretends Rowling doesn’t exist in her life, but also strongly disagrees with her views on trans rights. And that taking the stance of holding both things and knowing them both to be true is what’s helped her make peace with the situation.

And I’ve been thinking a lot about that. Two opposing things can both be true, and both be held at the same time. And honouring those polarities can help you find a neutral ground between them. A space of peace where it’s okay to accept what is.

This concept felt very grounding to me.

I’ve recently experienced some upsetting behaviour from somebody I love, and it’s been really bothering me. I feel like this concept landed on my lap with perfect timing. It’s felt incredibly healing for me and has helped me navigate a challenging situation with more grace and peace than I’d have typically handled things. It’s made me realise that an awkward ending doesn’t invalidate years of incredibly rich memories held together. It just means another chapter has begun for each of us. And that just feels more ‘right’ to me.

How does this concept feel for you?